Dear John

The FUCK is this?

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What have you done for me lately?

Your Honor, Plaintiff enters into evidence Exhibit A in "Janet Jackson vs. Her Stylist":

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Honey, we should talk

The number of 'no' things happening in this picture might stop the earth from properly spinning on its axis.  Princess Leia Carrie Fisher, what have you done to yourself?

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No.

Steve Tyler, presented without commentary.

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Bobbay!

In news that is shocking to absolutely no one, Bobby Brown was arrested for a DUI yesterday.  Grief is a hell of a drug, but fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, Bobby.  Try on some level to remember that you're a father many times over and should be setting an example, not auditioning for the Darwin Awards.

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This should end well

The apparently irresistible Gerard Butler (look, we don't get it) fresh off a recent stint in rehab, and the always eager, willing, and ready Lindsay Lohan were seen giggling last night at the Chateau Marmont. Perchance the rehab veteran Lindsay offered to be Gerard's sponsor.  How sweet of her.

The friction from Gerard's greasy locks and Lohan's firecrotch could become another unneeded source of global warming.  On the plus side, Lohan finally ditched the street-corner platinum blonde for the infinitely better natural red hair that the Good Lord blessed her with.  Please, Lindsay, stay away from the bleach.

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Oh, Lola

Trying hard to prove that she's cooler than her Mom, Madonna, little Lourdes Leon has taken up a nasty nicotine habit at the delicate age of 15.  Tsk, tsk, Lola.

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